Monday, January 30, 2006

The hunt is on!

Malaysia plans to send two teams of scientists to scour its southern rainforests and track down bigfoot

Natives who live in the jungle have seen it for generations and their legends call it the 'snaggle-toothed ghost'

People are claiming that they saw a 10-foot tall ape standing on two legs beside a river.

Chances are these people;
  • Were drunk at the time.
  • Faked the full thing.
  • Got tricked by someone elses joke.
  • Enjoy making people believe crap they just make up for no reason at all.
I won't believe in bigfoot till one shows up at my front door asking for a banana.

If bigfoot does exist is the best thing to send out to hunt it a group of scientists?

There is a severe lack of camouflage, the bright white lab coats will stand out a mile. What is bigfoot going to think when he sees these coming,

OMFG run they have a test tube and safety goggles!!!11!1!

The mission is destined to fail for two reasons. Bigfoot doesn't exist and these scientists are not Steve Irwin.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Trailer remix

One week?!?

The other day i went to the library to gets some books to revise for my Accounting Theory exam ('twas rubbish, I forgot everything)

I already had a few books from the uni library and wasn't sure how many I was allowed to have. I asked the woman behind the counter how many books I could take and she said,

A week


Soon the shops will start doing it. When you go to the counter ready to pay for stuff, they will say,

That'll be 1 week, 3 days, 5 hours and 22 minutes please. We have no change, do you have the 22 minutes?

When you get the chance to vote on the subject, make sure you say NO to time as a currency.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Thats it

I've had enough. I'm standing up for mayonnaise.

Today as I ventured towards uni, I espied a sandwich of such glory. Eyebrows? they were raised.
Upon closer inspection I found this sandwich to be of BLT origins. Before I even collected my savoury snack, a voice interrupted my conquest...

It's bacon, lettuce and tomato...

Concerned, I turned away from this person who was enlightening me to the contents of a sandwich from which I was already sufficiently educated upon.

Failing my education, one might observe that the sandwich contained such ingredients. But no! what is this new devilry!?

an extra ingredient may be found residing in such savoury delights...mayonnaise!
O mayonnaise, a pity for you that one should fail to grant a mention! a conspiracy I say!

lest the label or the individual-who-claims-to-know-sandwich-construction, but-fails-to-indicate-the-necessary-lubricative-ingriedient have informed me of such delicacies, one would be content. Nay. It appears that mayonnaise only grants a mention whence it is not included!

it's like 'thank the lord! the mayonnaise fiend has left this obode!'

no more. I urge you to consider our friend mr mayonnaise! go forth now and multiply!

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

I'm feeling fat...and sassy

luckily for you, "I'm too fat to get into my work pants," so I am available.

I'm in pain

I will be unable to post today as I have cut my fingernails too short, they're bleeding and I have to go to the doctor.


Monday, January 23, 2006

The continuing story...

I believe that Bob has failed to establish one key issue here: my trauma suffered in the loss of our futuristic roflboxes. In fact, I became quite attached to one of them - a blue little number which had a glow reminiscent of the movie Tron. The box seemed to purr and vibrate in my hands, which left me with the feeling one might achieve on the event a new air freshner is placed within a car.

I was somehow alarmed by the purring and the movement that the box generated. For several seconds I considered the notion that perhaps some sort of cat was trapped inside the box. I am allergic to cats, so the option of opening the box was not one to ponder. Further, I quite enjoyed the current situation, and the escape of the cat may have lead to a disappointing scenario, whereby the box no longer gave me the continued sense of pleasure.

I also considered the possibility of futurecats. Maybe these cats have laser weaponry in their eyes.

At this point it is important to establish that the box should have stayed shut. I must also point that any liability due to laser cat mega burns is purely coincidental, and in no way as a result of my futuristic trip, nor Bob's attempt to bring one of the creatures home.

The cats respond to the names George and Smallsley the Grey. They have a rather mischevous air to them, and may be found committing small acts of tyranny, such as interfering with toasters.

Should you encounter these cats, please contact this number:



The address was decided on because we wanted a name that was short, easy to remember and also kinda random. Roflbox satisfied all of these points.

When I first discovered this advert I was sceptical about time travel. One thing i noticed about the advert was this fact,

I have only done this once before

That was almost enough proof that time travel was possible, I wanted more. When searching through a TV guide I noticed a documentary called Back to the Future. I watched it and was impressed. It was about Marty McFly and Dr. Emmett Brown. They travelled through time in a car with a blender attached to the back. If it was possible for them to time travel, then that guy must be telling the truth.

I showed the proof to Gary and asked if he wanted to go on a journey through time. He agreed and we made some helmets from extremely rare purple foil. They were required because the guy said that,

Safety was not guaranteed

We made helmets out of purple foil because we couldn't find any weapons and we knew that normal tin foil wouldn't be up to the job.

This is a picture of Gary from the year 2050. You can tell because of the watermark in the bottom corner.

In his hand is one of the many rolfboxes we managed to capture. Unfortunately we were unable to bring any back with us.

Just wait another 44 years and you will be able to see one for yourself.

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