Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Chuck Norris vs Bruce Lee

Chuck Norris is awesome, not as awesome as Jack Bauer, but still pretty awesome. Martial arts is the only thing that Jack Bauer doesn't do, but thats probably because it's too easy for him. Here is a video of Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee fighting.

Here are some random facts about Chuck Norris,
  • According to the Laws of Physics, it is impossible for Chuck Norris to build more muscle. Upon realizing this, Chuck Norris swiftly roundhouse kicked every law of physics known to man, as well as those known only by Chuck Norris. He now has the ability to will his muscles to any level of strength he desires at any given time.
  • Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
  • There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
  • Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
These facts showed up on the internet before the Jack Bauer ones. But everyone knows that Jack Bauer is infinitely more awesome than Chuck.

If you want to be more like Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee, you could go to a school like the one in this video. You will never be as good as Chuck or Bruce Lee, but you will be much better than you are now.

I want to be more like them but I'm just too lazy, love my junk food and enjoy going out drinking.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

New number to replace 999

If the comedy show The IT Crowd is to be believed, the emergency number 999 will change to 0118 999 881 999 119 7253.

The main reason for this is the fact 999 is difficult to remember and people can dial it by accident if they randomly press a number 3 times in a row. As well as the change to the emergency number there will also be a few other life saving changes. These include,

  • Faster response times
  • Better looking ambulance drivers
  • Nicer ambulances
  • Easy to remember number
  • Free lollies for the first 1,000 callers

At least the new number will be easy to remember.

0118 999 881 999 119 7253

The phone number 999 will be auctioned off to the highest bidder on ebay.

The only problem I can see for the winner is the fact they will get a few thousand calls a day from people with their cat stuck in a tree. But this should only happen until everyone knows that there is new improved number.

Whoa shit! ELEPHANT!

Herds of elephants are destroying African villages without apparent cause, some scientists are speculating elephants might be attacking humans in revenge for years of abuse.

The elephants are getting revenge on the hunters that shot them.

So an elephant is shot without (hunters) realizing the possible consequences on the remaining family members and the very real possibility of stimulating a cycle of violence.

Could this be the start of a Planet of the Elephants?

The elephants are going to evolve in to a super-race of elephants that can talk, run, jump and play chess. This might sound like great fun, going to the pub with an elephant, drinking beer and playing pool.

It's not gonna happen like that, they want revenge, the elephant will take his pool cue and skewer you like a kebab.

It won't be too long until they find weapons of mass destruction and kill whole cities at a time.

Why oh why did we have to start this war?!?

Study: Elephants Might Seek Revenge

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Who does he think he is? Jack Bauer?!?

A man who attacked six people in 24 hours for no reason has started an indefinite prison sentence. He probably wanted to be more like Jack Bauer, the most awesome person in existence.Gary Blakemore approached strangers and punched them repeatedly. He even attacked one of them with a hammer.

Someone had told him that paedophiles were in the area and if friends pointed them out to him then he would hit them.

Student Bladimir Sukkhanov was on a bus on his way to Llandrillo College and as he got up out of his seat he was punched around 20 times by the defendant.

Blakemore later attacked Darren French and Rebecca Yard who were standing outside the college.

Then he attacked Jonathon Hill, a window fitter, while he was at work on a house in Llandudno Road in the town, repeatedly hitting him with a claw hammer. He only stopped when the 65-year-old home owner came to Mr Hill's aid and chased Blakemore off with a brush.

After his arrest, Blakemore punched Pc Matthew David Jones without warning at St Asaph police station.

Source: BBC News

Monday, February 13, 2006

One Billion Page Views

Some guy has made a website as part of a bet he made during a game of snooker. The whole point of the website is to get 1,000,000,000 (One Billion) page views.

I love a good challenge, they bet me and said they would gladly give me £1000 if I could make a site that gets One Billion Hits! There was one major clause, I cannot spend a penny in marketing the website, just me, my laptop and nothing else!

I don't think he will make it to one billion this year because he would need about 3,000,000 hits per day for the rest of the year. Click this link to help AJ out.

Also give this site a try

Jack Bauer

Jack Bauer is awesome, thats why they made the show 24 about him.

When people watch 24 they think that Jack Bauer is a fictional character played by Kiefer Sutherland. The truth is Jack Bauer is real. Keifer Sutherland is the character made up to hide Jack Bauers true identity.

Here are some facts about Jack Bauer,
  • After running out of ammo, Jack stood in the line of fire, took 3 shots to the chest, and used them to reload.
  • Jack Bauer sleeps with a gun under the pillow. But he could kill you with the pillow.
  • Chuck Norris told Jack Bauer that he only killed 15 people because he ran out of bullets. Jack told him he only killed 93 people because he ran out of people. Then Jack snapped Chuck Norris' neck into 24 pieces.
Find more facts at

The awesome things quotes are another reason people love Jack Bauer,

The only reason that you're conscious right now is because I don't want to carry you.
If you don't tell me what I want to know, then it'll just be a question of how much you want it to hurt.
You probably don't think that I can force this towel down your throat. But trust me, I can. All the way. Except I'd hold onto this one little bit at the end. When your stomach starts to digest it, I pull it out. Taking your stomach lining with it. For most people it would take about a week to die. It's very painful.
I'm gonna need a hacksaw.

All this makes me want to see Jack Bauer in every film. It only has to be a few seconds, just long enough for Jack to kill a few people. To help you visualise this dream, here are a few pictures.

Jack Bauer should have a cameo in every film.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Got mullet?

whoa, seems like you guys liked the 'got tache' post - 20,000 hits in one day :o

well, flitting around the internet, looking at who was giving us the hits and being so kind to pimp our link, we came across Spinal Pat and his page...

within, Pat said:

I want to know who's gonna tackle the mullet...

That sounded like a challenge to us... so enjoy this rare selection of celeb mullets!

Keifer Sutherland

Jim Carrey

George Clooney

Elijah Wood

David Schwimmer

Jackie Chan

the ladies favourite... PeeWee Herman

Sly Stallone

Lookin' fresh... Will Smith

Got tache? pfft. Get mullet!

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Nothings better than useless facts

Apart from useless facts with random pictures. Here are 20 to keep you going.

An astronaut can be up to 5cm (2 inches) taller returning from space. The cartilage disks in the spine expand in the absence of gravity.

In eighteenth-century London you could purchase insurance against going to Hell.

The first traffic lights (powered by gas lamps) were installed outside the Houses of Parliament in 1868. Unfortunately they blew up and killed a policeman.

If Roman women wanted to be blonde, they bleached their hair with pigeon droppings.

In Turkey, Persia and India, the death penalty was once considered a fitting cure for smokers.

The Lost numbers are 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, & 42.

The modern blood-drinking capital of the world is Seattle. About 15,000 practising vampires live there.
Aoccdrnig to rseearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave.
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

Cranberries are sorted for ripeness by bouncing them; a fully ripened cranberry can be dribbled like a basketball.
A donkey will sink in quicksand but a mule won't.
The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.

Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
'Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia' is the fear of long words.

The mask used by Michael Myers in "Halloween" was actually a Captain Kirk mask painted white.
Blonde beards grow faster than darker beards.

Killing a cat was an offence punishable by death in ancient Egypt. In the event of a fire, cats were the first to be rescued. If the family cat died the head of the household shaved of his eyebrows, and it was only when they had grown back that the mourning period was declared over.

A rat can last longer without water than a camel.

Previous Entries

  • Some people have way too much time on their hands....
  • Superman: not so big in Japan...
  • Link dump: WTF news
  • Chuck Norris facts - read by the man himself
  • Stallown3d
  • Chuck Norris vs Bruce Lee
  • New number to replace 999
  • Whoa shit! ELEPHANT!
  • Who does he think he is? Jack Bauer?!?
  • One Billion Page Views
  • Archives

  • January 2006
  • February 2006
  • March 2006