Monday, February 13, 2006

Jack Bauer

Jack Bauer is awesome, thats why they made the show 24 about him.

When people watch 24 they think that Jack Bauer is a fictional character played by Kiefer Sutherland. The truth is Jack Bauer is real. Keifer Sutherland is the character made up to hide Jack Bauers true identity.

Here are some facts about Jack Bauer,
  • After running out of ammo, Jack stood in the line of fire, took 3 shots to the chest, and used them to reload.
  • Jack Bauer sleeps with a gun under the pillow. But he could kill you with the pillow.
  • Chuck Norris told Jack Bauer that he only killed 15 people because he ran out of bullets. Jack told him he only killed 93 people because he ran out of people. Then Jack snapped Chuck Norris' neck into 24 pieces.
Find more facts at

The awesome things quotes are another reason people love Jack Bauer,

The only reason that you're conscious right now is because I don't want to carry you.
If you don't tell me what I want to know, then it'll just be a question of how much you want it to hurt.
You probably don't think that I can force this towel down your throat. But trust me, I can. All the way. Except I'd hold onto this one little bit at the end. When your stomach starts to digest it, I pull it out. Taking your stomach lining with it. For most people it would take about a week to die. It's very painful.
I'm gonna need a hacksaw.

All this makes me want to see Jack Bauer in every film. It only has to be a few seconds, just long enough for Jack to kill a few people. To help you visualise this dream, here are a few pictures.

Jack Bauer should have a cameo in every film.


  • JACK BAUER is the f&%@ing best!

    By Anonymous BauerJack24, at 5:42 AM, February 16, 2006  

  • Fuck that Chuck Norris is the best would round house any shot from Jack & kill him, Jack sucks dick for bus fair !!!!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:44 PM, February 16, 2006  

  • Yeah, up the Chuck and his godly roundhouses

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:53 PM, February 16, 2006  

  • If Iwas talking smack about Jack Bauer I would sign "anonymous" too, what a bitch.

    By Anonymous Dylan23, at 3:58 PM, February 16, 2006  

  • Chuck Norris makes Jack Bauer look like a cripple kid

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:33 PM, February 16, 2006  

  • Jack Bauer sawed a dude's head off and gave it to his boss. Chuck Norris craps himself while using the total gym. Case closed.

    By Anonymous yourmom, at 4:50 PM, February 16, 2006  

  • Did you ever feel like someone is watching you? it's Jack Bauer.

    By Anonymous Jerry Janzer, at 5:36 PM, February 16, 2006  

  • I heard that Jack Bauer can blast a booger from his nose with enough force to take out an Abrams Tank!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:37 PM, February 16, 2006  

  • Ever wonder why the CIA never found Bin ladin? That's because Jack Bauer got to him first.

    By Anonymous Chris Mendes, at 5:38 PM, February 16, 2006  

  • why did september 11th happen? jack bauer was on his day off

    By Anonymous me, at 5:40 PM, February 16, 2006  

  • Jack Bauer is the real Santa Claus. He knows when you're sleeping and he knows when you're awake.

    By Anonymous Jerrry Mendes, at 5:40 PM, February 16, 2006  

  • When Jack Bauer was born the doctor tried to slap his ass, but Jack caught his hand and broke his arm in 24 places.

    By Blogger Spencer, at 6:42 PM, February 16, 2006  


    By Anonymous CHUCKNORRIS, at 7:06 PM, February 16, 2006  

  • When I grow up, I wanna be Jack Bauer...

    By Anonymous iAMbigFISH, at 7:37 PM, February 16, 2006  

  • I have diarrhea

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:58 PM, February 16, 2006  

  • Jack Bauer named his cat Chuck Norris, because he's a pussy.

    By Blogger Growamustache, at 8:25 PM, February 16, 2006  

  • hahahah thats awesome

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:11 PM, February 16, 2006  

  • Dick Cheney didn't shoot his buddy. Jack Bauer did. Dick is taking the heat for it because he's too afraid to point the finger at Jack.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:28 AM, February 17, 2006  

  • Jack Bauer is a screaming homosexual, even Chuck Norris couldn't make Jack Bauer cool.

    By Anonymous Fo'rizzle, at 2:21 AM, February 17, 2006  

  • How homosexual is the name fo'rizzle? It sounds like a name off on zoolander. Anyways, Jack Bauer does not fight guys without a shirt and addition oil on himself! That only the job of Chuck Norris.

    By Anonymous Panzer, at 3:30 AM, February 17, 2006  

  • well guys its nice to know i have fans...but know that you know about me im gonna have to kill you. And im gonna ask milo to start figuring out who those anonymous chuck norris lovers are

    By Anonymous Jack Bauer, at 4:46 AM, February 17, 2006  

  • thanks for sucking my cock, Jack.

    By Anonymous Chuck Norris, at 5:17 AM, February 17, 2006  

  • In my school's winter play Jack Bauer played the part of Chuck Norris' turd. He didn't do bad, but a real turd would have been better...

    By Blogger jack_flint, at 7:27 AM, February 17, 2006  

  • more facts at

    the other site just copies all the facts from there

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:27 PM, February 17, 2006  

  • Jack Bauer is gangsta.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:48 PM, February 17, 2006  

  • Jack Bauer sleeps with a night light, not because he's afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Jack Bauer.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:26 PM, February 17, 2006  

  • Good Show on the Photoshoping!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:34 PM, February 18, 2006  

  • Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.

    By Anonymous JB, at 2:46 PM, February 18, 2006  

  • Chuck Norris gets 100X more pussy than Jack Bauer and Chuck Norris is like 70! Jack Bauer sticks to his pussy named Chuck Norris and his wife who died at the end of season 1! And screw you jb, JESUS PWNZ ALL!!!

    By Anonymous H4PPYHE4D, at 9:38 AM, February 19, 2006  

  • Only a true badass can work for one day a year, and instill enough fear into the terrorist cells that it takes the other 364 to build enough courage to try it again.

    By Anonymous Lord of Denial, at 8:53 PM, February 22, 2006  

  • Chuck Norris sleeps in a t-shirt with jack Bauer picture on it, and a jack bauer teddy

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:01 AM, March 03, 2006  

  • Jack Bauer's mere "Oh my god, that's Jack Bauer I just shit my pants" presence on this planet drove Depends stock through the roof and caused Chuck Norris to develop a diaper rash that ate his entire body from the ass out.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:52 PM, March 07, 2006  

  • jack bauer saves the world in less than 24 hours. That's approximately the same amount of time that it takes chuck norris to convince his partner to give him a blowjob.

    By Blogger chucknorrisisgay, at 2:14 PM, March 21, 2006  

  • What cell phone provider does Jack Bauer use? His phone hasn't dropped a call all day no matter where he places a call.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:58 PM, April 30, 2006  

  • Ok.... lets get this straight... who the fuck is Chuck norris o yeah.... a terrible actor who sucks Walker texas ranger's producers dick. Jack Bauer would nail 5 shots into Chuck's head. 24 is a better show better ratings, more fans, more revenue, more FUN. I checked the facts...any one want to debate me go ahead Jack Bauer OWNS ALL CHUCK NORRIS FUCKER FANS

    By Anonymous aim screen name is kamboj111 Im me if u hate or like bauer we will talk, at 1:34 AM, July 15, 2006  

  • when jack bauer does push ups he doesnt push himself, up he pushes the earth down

    By Blogger onais, at 11:26 PM, June 23, 2007  

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