Roflbox

Some people have way too much time on their hands.

2006-03-25T10:11:00.000Z

If you have done or considered doing any of the things mentioned in this list, you have way too much time on your hands. Most of them are pretty awesome.

1) Make Cosmo Kramer out of lego. This guy also created a picture of Napoleon Dynamite, President Bush, Conan O'Brien and Van Gogh's Starry Night.

2) Recreate the Twin Towers using McDonalds fries and Heinz tomato ketchup.

3) Build a PC without a case that floats next to the monitor.

4) Paint pictures with Rubix cubes.

5) Build a scale model of the Sears Tower, using over 15,000 Jenga blocks.

6) Make a record breaking 3130lb rubber band ball.

7) Balance rocks on other rocks.

8) Paint awesome pavement art illusions.

9) Live in a box suspended over the River Thames for 44 days without food.

10) Build massive sandcastles.

11) Collect pictures of designer manhole covers.

12) Build a stadium out of Lego.

13) Build a city out of cookies.

Superman: not so big in Japan...

2006-03-23T11:30:00.000Z

is it a bird? is it a plane? no! its Superman!

Superman's only weakness? Japanese Television!

lets hope that Lois Lane is at home to wash that cape...

Link dump: WTF news

2006-03-19T11:48:00.000Z

Chuck Norris facts - read by the man himself

2006-03-10T09:54:00.000Z

Top 10 Chuck Norris facts. Chuck even tells us his favourite.

Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

10) When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

9) There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.

8) Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb

7) Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

6) Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

5) When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

4) In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are the closest anyone else has ever gotten

3) When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

2) Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

1) Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chucks favourite

They once tried to carve out Chuck Norris's face on mount. Rushmore but the granite was too weak for his beard.

Stallown3d

2006-03-05T17:26:00.000Z

Owned, pwned, 0wn3d, pwn3d and pwnd they all have the same definition

To get busted by someone.
To get caught red handed.
To get beat down physically or verbally.
To get beat at a game of some kind.
To get mocked out so hard, that you can never show your face in public ever again, leaving you with only one means of socialization: the internet.

I owned you in counter-strike.

You were owned at the party yesterday.

Heres a video of some people getting owned

In the pic Sylvester Stallone has been own3d by his pink shirt. He has been Stallowned.

Michael Jackson: Oh noes! my nose fell off again
Teto: LOL, you just got Michael Jacksowned

Homer Simpson: Doh!
Nelson: HA HA! you've been Homer Simpsowned

Hilary Clinton: OMFG what are you doing here Monica
Bill: Damn! I've just been Bill Clintowned

*watching Team America: World Police*
Matt Damon: I/m not that dumb! I've been Matt Damowned

Jeremy Clarkson: This car is great, but my afro is getting ruined by the lack of roof
Cameraman: ROFL, Jeremy Clarksowned

Janet Jackson: Oh No! one of my boobs has fell out
Justin: LMAO, Janet Jacksowned

Capone: Oh shit! dropped my cigar
crowd: LOL, Capowned

Ashley Simpson: The music has started and I can here my voice, but I'm not singing
*Does a jig*
Viewers: ROFL, Ashley Simpsowned on live TV

Tom Jones: My tan looks fake
Engelbert Humperdinck: Ha ha, Tom Jowned

Chuck Norris vs Bruce Lee

2006-02-28T07:59:00.000Z

Chuck Norris is awesome, not as awesome as Jack Bauer, but still pretty awesome. Martial arts is the only thing that Jack Bauer doesn't do, but thats probably because it's too easy for him. Here is a video of Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee fighting.

Here are some random facts about Chuck Norris,

According to the Laws of Physics, it is impossible for Chuck Norris to build more muscle. Upon realizing this, Chuck Norris swiftly roundhouse kicked every law of physics known to man, as well as those known only by Chuck Norris. He now has the ability to will his muscles to any level of strength he desires at any given time.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

These facts showed up on the internet before the Jack Bauer ones. But everyone knows that Jack Bauer is infinitely more awesome than Chuck.

If you want to be more like Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee, you could go to a school like the one in this video. You will never be as good as Chuck or Bruce Lee, but you will be much better than you are now.

I want to be more like them but I'm just too lazy, love my junk food and enjoy going out drinking.

New number to replace 999

2006-02-21T18:32:00.000Z

If the comedy show The IT Crowd is to be believed, the emergency number 999 will change to 0118 999 881 999 119 7253.

The main reason for this is the fact 999 is difficult to remember and people can dial it by accident if they randomly press a number 3 times in a row. As well as the change to the emergency number there will also be a few other life saving changes. These include,

Faster response times
Better looking ambulance drivers
Nicer ambulances
Easy to remember number
Free lollies for the first 1,000 callers

At least the new number will be easy to remember.

0118 999 881 999 119 7253

The phone number 999 will be auctioned off to the highest bidder on ebay.

The only problem I can see for the winner is the fact they will get a few thousand calls a day from people with their cat stuck in a tree. But this should only happen until everyone knows that there is new improved number.

Whoa shit! ELEPHANT!

2006-02-21T09:00:00.000Z

Herds of elephants are destroying African villages without apparent cause, some scientists are speculating elephants might be attacking humans in revenge for years of abuse.

The elephants are getting revenge on the hunters that shot them.

So an elephant is shot without (hunters) realizing the possible consequences on the remaining family members and the very real possibility of stimulating a cycle of violence.

Could this be the start of a Planet of the Elephants?

The elephants are going to evolve in to a super-race of elephants that can talk, run, jump and play chess. This might sound like great fun, going to the pub with an elephant, drinking beer and playing pool.

It's not gonna happen like that, they want revenge, the elephant will take his pool cue and skewer you like a kebab.

It won't be too long until they find weapons of mass destruction and kill whole cities at a time.

Why oh why did we have to start this war?!?

Study: Elephants Might Seek Revenge

Who does he think he is? Jack Bauer?!?

2006-02-18T11:59:00.000Z

A man who attacked six people in 24 hours for no reason has started an indefinite prison sentence. He probably wanted to be more like Jack Bauer, the most awesome person in existence.Gary Blakemore approached strangers and punched them repeatedly. He even attacked one of them with a hammer.

Someone had told him that paedophiles were in the area and if friends pointed them out to him then he would hit them.

Student Bladimir Sukkhanov was on a bus on his way to Llandrillo College and as he got up out of his seat he was punched around 20 times by the defendant.

Blakemore later attacked Darren French and Rebecca Yard who were standing outside the college.

Then he attacked Jonathon Hill, a window fitter, while he was at work on a house in Llandudno Road in the town, repeatedly hitting him with a claw hammer. He only stopped when the 65-year-old home owner came to Mr Hill's aid and chased Blakemore off with a brush.

After his arrest, Blakemore punched Pc Matthew David Jones without warning at St Asaph police station.

Source: BBC News

One Billion Page Views

2006-02-13T16:57:00.000Z

Some guy has made a website as part of a bet he made during a game of snooker. The whole point of the website is to get 1,000,000,000 (One Billion) page views.

I love a good challenge, they bet me and said they would gladly give me £1000 if I could make a site that gets One Billion Hits! There was one major clause, I cannot spend a penny in marketing the website, just me, my laptop and nothing else!

http://www.onebillionpageviews.com

I don't think he will make it to one billion this year because he would need about 3,000,000 hits per day for the rest of the year. Click this link to help AJ out.

Also give this site a try http://www.themediaexperiment.com

Jack Bauer

2006-02-13T09:54:00.000Z

Jack Bauer is awesome, thats why they made the show 24 about him.

When people watch 24 they think that Jack Bauer is a fictional character played by Kiefer Sutherland. The truth is Jack Bauer is real. Keifer Sutherland is the character made up to hide Jack Bauers true identity.

Here are some facts about Jack Bauer,

After running out of ammo, Jack stood in the line of fire, took 3 shots to the chest, and used them to reload.

Jack Bauer sleeps with a gun under the pillow. But he could kill you with the pillow.

Chuck Norris told Jack Bauer that he only killed 15 people because he ran out of bullets. Jack told him he only killed 93 people because he ran out of people. Then Jack snapped Chuck Norris' neck into 24 pieces.

Find more facts at http://www.jackbauerfacts.com

The awesome things quotes are another reason people love Jack Bauer,

The only reason that you're conscious right now is because I don't want to carry you.

If you don't tell me what I want to know, then it'll just be a question of how much you want it to hurt.

You probably don't think that I can force this towel down your throat. But trust me, I can. All the way. Except I'd hold onto this one little bit at the end. When your stomach starts to digest it, I pull it out. Taking your stomach lining with it. For most people it would take about a week to die. It's very painful.

I'm gonna need a hacksaw.

All this makes me want to see Jack Bauer in every film. It only has to be a few seconds, just long enough for Jack to kill a few people. To help you visualise this dream, here are a few pictures.

Jack Bauer should have a cameo in every film.

Got mullet?

2006-02-09T17:38:00.000Z

whoa, seems like you guys liked the 'got tache' post - 20,000 hits in one day :o

well, flitting around the internet, looking at who was giving us the hits and being so kind to pimp our link, we came across Spinal Pat and his page...

http://groingrabbinglygood.blogspot.com/

within, Pat said:

I want to know who's gonna tackle the mullet...

That sounded like a challenge to us... so enjoy this rare selection of celeb mullets!

Keifer Sutherland

Jim Carrey

George Clooney

Elijah Wood

David Schwimmer

Jackie Chan

the ladies favourite... PeeWee Herman

Sly Stallone

Lookin' fresh... Will Smith

Got tache? pfft. Get mullet!

Nothings better than useless facts

2006-02-05T11:41:00.000Z

Apart from useless facts with random pictures. Here are 20 to keep you going.

An astronaut can be up to 5cm (2 inches) taller returning from space. The cartilage disks in the spine expand in the absence of gravity.

In eighteenth-century London you could purchase insurance against going to Hell.

The first traffic lights (powered by gas lamps) were installed outside the Houses of Parliament in 1868. Unfortunately they blew up and killed a policeman.

If Roman women wanted to be blonde, they bleached their hair with pigeon droppings.

In

Turkey

Persia

and

India

, the death penalty was once considered a fitting cure for smokers.

The Lost numbers are 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, & 42.

The modern blood-drinking capital of the world is Seattle. About 15,000 practising vampires live there.
Aoccdrnig to rseearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave.
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

Cranberries are sorted for ripeness by bouncing them; a fully ripened cranberry can be dribbled like a basketball.
A donkey will sink in quicksand but a mule won't.
The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.

Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
'Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia' is the fear of long words.

The mask used by Michael Myers in "Halloween" was actually a Captain Kirk mask painted white.
Blonde beards grow faster than darker beards.

Killing a cat was an offence punishable by death in ancient

Egypt

. In the event of a fire, cats were the first to be rescued. If the family cat died the head of the household shaved of his eyebrows, and it was only when they had grown back that the mourning period was declared over.

A rat can last longer without water than a camel.

OMG

2006-02-03T18:01:00.000Z

Ebaums World strikes!

just remember you saw the Got Tache: Celebrity Moustaches here first.

We worked hard on those pics for your enjoyment, only to have them taken from us, and all credit removed.

thanks.

Face of God?

2006-02-03T12:50:00.000Z

Has God been found on Google Maps hiding in Peru?

hmmm....

2006-02-02T22:35:00.000Z

o Billie Joe...who is your father?

only you can decide...plz comment

A to B...

2006-02-02T16:45:00.000Z

Like many of you out there, (yes! all 14 of you!) I fall victim to public transport.

For those who fail to see the problem here, allow me to elaborate.

Public transport is expensive, its slow, unreliable and most of all, public transport is smelly. And were not just talking a scent of displeasure which may be shunned once one gets to your destination - this stuff is hardcore and will be with you all day. The usual cause of which is the smelly old man who sat with you following you around all day telling you how bad it was back in 'Nam.

I always thought that Tottenham was a nice place. oh well.

But all of this can be avoided - by eliminating our reliance upon the mule.

With this in mind, I approached several key scientists involved in the creation of the Mule. They took it upon them to create a new method of transport so amazing it would take the world by storm. Eyebrows? they would be raised.

Here are some user comments:

Most thrilling!

I'll never travel by Mule again!

The man from Del Monte: he says yes!

We also sent our neighbour for a ride:

Neighbour say:

ME SO HAPPY!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! I GIVE YOU THE FUTURE OF PUBLIC TRANSPORT!

take it for a spin at your local dealership today!

Got tache?

2006-02-01T13:37:00.000Z

These days more and more people are growing taches. One example of this is Chris from We Are Scientists.
People love the tache so much they just give him money when they see him walking down the street. Chris loves it so much he even wrote a review about it.

My mustache, were it a sandwich, would be a club. Were it a plane, it would be a MiG-28.

The best tache ever is the one that lives on the top lip of Magnum, P.I. (Tom Selleck)

The awesomeness of this tache and the fact that there is loads of money to be made from having one, it is no suprise that celebrities are starting to cash in on the idea.

Ben Stiller

Kelsey Grammer

Matt LeBlanc

Tom Hanks

Jeremy Clarkson

Keanu Reeves
Homer Simpson
The cast of Seinfeld
Paris Hilton
Danny DeVito
Pee Wee Herman
George W Bush and Tony Blair
Billie Joe Armstrong
Columbo
David Hasselhoff
Micheal Jackson
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Tom Cruise

Matt Damon

Napoleon Dynamite

Why not grow one of your own and see how much money you make?

The hunt is on!

2006-01-30T13:06:00.000Z

Malaysia plans to send two teams of scientists to scour its southern rainforests and track down bigfoot

Natives who live in the jungle have seen it for generations and their legends call it the 'snaggle-toothed ghost'

People are claiming that they saw a 10-foot tall ape standing on two legs beside a river.

Chances are these people;

Were drunk at the time.
Faked the full thing.
Got tricked by someone elses joke.
Enjoy making people believe crap they just make up for no reason at all.

I won't believe in bigfoot till one shows up at my front door asking for a banana.

If bigfoot does exist is the best thing to send out to hunt it a group of scientists?

There is a severe lack of camouflage, the bright white lab coats will stand out a mile. What is bigfoot going to think when he sees these coming,

OMFG run they have a test tube and safety goggles!!!11!1!

The mission is destined to fail for two reasons. Bigfoot doesn't exist and these scientists are not Steve Irwin.

Trailer remix

2006-01-28T12:00:00.000Z

The Shining

One week?!?

2006-01-28T11:41:00.000Z

The other day i went to the library to gets some books to revise for my Accounting Theory exam ('twas rubbish, I forgot everything)

I already had a few books from the uni library and wasn't sure how many I was allowed to have. I asked the woman behind the counter how many books I could take and she said,

A week

WTF!?!

Soon the shops will start doing it. When you go to the counter ready to pay for stuff, they will say,

That'll be 1 week, 3 days, 5 hours and 22 minutes please. We have no change, do you have the 22 minutes?

When you get the chance to vote on the subject, make sure you say NO to time as a currency.

Thats it

2006-01-25T18:18:00.000Z

I've had enough. I'm standing up for mayonnaise.

Today as I ventured towards uni, I espied a sandwich of such glory. Eyebrows? they were raised.
Upon closer inspection I found this sandwich to be of BLT origins. Before I even collected my savoury snack, a voice interrupted my conquest...

It's bacon, lettuce and tomato...

Concerned, I turned away from this person who was enlightening me to the contents of a sandwich from which I was already sufficiently educated upon.

Failing my education, one might observe that the sandwich contained such ingredients. But no! what is this new devilry!?

an extra ingredient may be found residing in such savoury delights...mayonnaise!
O mayonnaise, a pity for you that one should fail to grant a mention! a conspiracy I say!

lest the label or the individual-who-claims-to-know-sandwich-construction, but-fails-to-indicate-the-necessary-lubricative-ingriedient have informed me of such delicacies, one would be content. Nay. It appears that mayonnaise only grants a mention whence it is not included!

it's like 'thank the lord! the mayonnaise fiend has left this obode!'

no more. I urge you to consider our friend mr mayonnaise! go forth now and multiply!

I'm feeling fat...and sassy

2006-01-24T12:12:00.000Z

luckily for you, "I'm too fat to get into my work pants," so I am available.

I'm in pain

2006-01-24T08:54:00.000Z

I will be unable to post today as I have cut my fingernails too short, they're bleeding and I have to go to the doctor.

linky

The continuing story...

2006-01-23T21:44:00.000Z

I believe that Bob has failed to establish one key issue here: my trauma suffered in the loss of our futuristic roflboxes. In fact, I became quite attached to one of them - a blue little number which had a glow reminiscent of the movie Tron. The box seemed to purr and vibrate in my hands, which left me with the feeling one might achieve on the event a new air freshner is placed within a car.

I was somehow alarmed by the purring and the movement that the box generated. For several seconds I considered the notion that perhaps some sort of cat was trapped inside the box. I am allergic to cats, so the option of opening the box was not one to ponder. Further, I quite enjoyed the current situation, and the escape of the cat may have lead to a disappointing scenario, whereby the box no longer gave me the continued sense of pleasure.

I also considered the possibility of futurecats. Maybe these cats have laser weaponry in their eyes.

At this point it is important to establish that the box should have stayed shut. I must also point that any liability due to laser cat mega burns is purely coincidental, and in no way as a result of my futuristic trip, nor Bob's attempt to bring one of the creatures home.

The cats respond to the names George and Smallsley the Grey. They have a rather mischevous air to them, and may be found committing small acts of tyranny, such as interfering with toasters.

Should you encounter these cats, please contact this number:

2050

Roflbox

2006-01-23T12:01:00.000Z

The address http://roflbox.blogspot.com was decided on because we wanted a name that was short, easy to remember and also kinda random. Roflbox satisfied all of these points.

When I first discovered this advert I was sceptical about time travel. One thing i noticed about the advert was this fact,

I have only done this once before

That was almost enough proof that time travel was possible, I wanted more. When searching through a TV guide I noticed a documentary called Back to the Future. I watched it and was impressed. It was about Marty McFly and Dr. Emmett Brown. They travelled through time in a car with a blender attached to the back. If it was possible for them to time travel, then that guy must be telling the truth.

I showed the proof to Gary and asked if he wanted to go on a journey through time. He agreed and we made some helmets from extremely rare purple foil. They were required because the guy said that,

Safety was not guaranteed

We made helmets out of purple foil because we couldn't find any weapons and we knew that normal tin foil wouldn't be up to the job.

This is a picture of Gary from the year 2050. You can tell because of the watermark in the bottom corner.

In his hand is one of the many rolfboxes we managed to capture. Unfortunately we were unable to bring any back with us.

Just wait another 44 years and you will be able to see one for yourself.